Negotiation is not like poker. Except when it is.
Some elements of the negotiation process are often compared to poker, such as the idea of “keeping one’s cards close” and bluffing. Yes, that behavior certainly does occur in a negotiation. Where poker and deal-making differ completely is in the outcomes. Typically, in poker, there is one winner for each hand. Everyone else around the table “loses,” and one person takes the whole pot.
In deal-making, ideally, a skilled negotiator will strategise so that all parties at the table feel like they got what they needed from the deal. (Not necessarily what they wanted but what they needed.) Rather than one “winner,” there is a sense of success among the group that they have achieved something that will bring everyone more value.
However, one relevant component of poker that I always focus on in negotiation is the “tell.” But not for the reasons one might suspect. In poker, the tell is something that another player does (like whether or not they eat an Oreo cookie after betting) that reveals information, such as when someone is bluffing.
For me, a tell is data that might help me better solve problems or improve the relationship. A tell can tell a lot about someone, and having greater insight into the party allows me the opportunity to build greater affinity in our relationship to establish a stronger thread of trust. And trust closes deals.
Recently, I was negotiating with another party, Peter. We had never worked together before. Peter was somewhat “stand-offish” in his communication style, and I was struggling to create some connection between us. We were discussing one broad contract provision that would cover many of the services. Peter made a joke about the provision that opened up a window of opportunity:
“One clause to rule them all.”
BAM! Now, I needed a counter-joke:
“Hopefully, Sauron isn’t signing this deal for you.”
Peter laughed, and a mutual affinity for “Lord of the Rings” gave us a momentary connection that I could build on. Nerd fandom.
This obviously did not alter our relationship such that we now were besties and agreed to everything the other proposed. But it brought a moment of levity and light to the discussion that allowed us to open up a little more and reduce some of the apprehension that comes whenever parties are meeting for the first time.
I share this anecdote because people often don’t appreciate the importance of the small moments, or “beats,” to use a movie term, that make up a negotiation. A deal is much like a story or film script, with a beginning, middle, and end, and, like a film script, the beats bring context and colour to the story.
The challenge is in staying aware of the tell or sign and creating those beats while trying to manage everything and everyone else that is part of the deal. Our brains are processing a lot of data all at once, so it’s easy to miss the chance to incrementally enhance engagement. After an initial negotiation session, I will ask my team, “So what did we learn?” to gather their observations. Try that. Consciously work to create the profile of the people you’re negotiating with, as the more you know about them, the better the deal will be. To paraphrase that great negotiator, Ferris Bueller: “Tells move pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss them.”
