During a negotiation years ago, my legal counsel was batting the merits of an issue back and forth with the client’s legal counsel. It was a minor point and, as I listened, I found myself agreeing with the client’s lawyer more than my own.
So I got an idea that I would show the client that I was on their side, literally.
I stood up and walked around to the other side of the conference table, and sat down in a chair next to the client’s lawyer.
My most vivid memory is the looks of confusion and shock on the faces of everyone on the client’s team. It was as if I had broken the “fourth wall” of the show and came to sit with the audience.
Once the two lawyers stopped talking, everyone looked at me for an explanation of why I was sitting on the “wrong” side of the table. I said to my lawyer, “Dan, I moved over here because I agree with them.”
The explanation caused a chuckle to ripple through the room, the mood lightened, and we resolved the issue.
The impact of my actions was to build a greater sense of trust between me and the client because I had demonstrated that I was prepared to agree with the client, even against my own team, if I felt they had the better reasoning on an issue.
But I was able to do that only because of a bit of negotiation training that often gets lost in the discussions of tactics and strategies: I had permission.
When we learn a new skill, and we see ways we might innovate on techniques to perform that skill, many of us feel held back because we are not sure if what we are thinking is “allowed.” We may come up with a clever idea or way of saying something, but not act on it because we’re not sure if it’s “OK to do that.”
Fortunately for me, I have had many mentors in my negotiation career who would share stories of what they did in difficult situations. Hearing their creative tactics, or actions to call out bad behavior, was a way of giving me permission to think outside the box a little when trying to solve a problem. Their stories affirmed for me, “Hey John, you are allowed to try stuff. See what happens!”
Now, when I coach a team or mentor a colleague on how to handle something in the deal process, I will often look for a way to give them permission to also be creative. I will tell a few stories to provide examples, and conclude by saying, “Get creative. Try some stuff. Make the process fun!”
