Imagine sitting a group of children down in a classroom and teaching them the game of soccer/football.
The lesson might go something like this: “The game of soccer involves eleven players kicking a ball about and trying to score in the other players’ goal. You play on a field or pitch, and must keep the ball within the lines. If it goes out, a player throws the ball back in with two hands over their head.”
And so on. (Imagine trying to explain offsides!)
We all know that is not how a sport is taught; it is taught on the field by introducing the method of playing the game. “Watch. Here is how you kick the ball. Here is how you pass the ball. Now you try.”
This is true of just about anything people seek to learn: they have to do it. They can’t read, listen to a lecture or watch a video and perform. They have to do it. When the brain needs to absorb something new, the body has to create new neural connections by performing the act over and over until our muscle memory takes over.
And this is true of learning, or improving, our skills in deal-making. If you want to be a better negotiator, negotiate! What’s stopping you? The world is full of negotiation opportunities. What do you need to get started? Ask for something. If you’re buying a car, ask for them to add the roof rack or trailer hitch for free. If you’re buying a house, ask the sellers to pay your closing costs. If you’re buying a bunch of clothes at the store, ask if you can get a discount for the large purchase. (You’d actually be surprised how often that one will work!)
Will you get what you ask for? It doesn’t matter. What you want is the experience of asking so you feel the emotion of taking that risk, and realizing, “Huh, that’s not so hard. I’ll do that again.” Once you have experienced some negotiations, then you can read or take classes and understand how to get better.
When George Bernard Shaw said, “If you teach a man anything, he will never learn” that was exactly the point he was making. No one learns from teaching; we learn by doing.
Now you try.
So, the suggestion would be: Always be Haggling?
Hi Michael. Thanks for the comment. The advice would be to Always be Practicing, because “classroom learning” will not make any of us better negotiators. If one were to follow the advice of “Always be Haggling” that would not be a bad thing because over time one would gain confidence the the act of negotiating, and then be able to make adjustments to behavior (move from competing to collaboration) to improve outcomes.